Home About Tales Twitter Novel Advice/Blog News Archive McSterchandise
R.L.'s Wondrous Tales

Click on one of the incredible book covers below to see a larger version. Click the description text to download an exciting sample of the novel where applicable. (Each Novel is listed in the order in which it was published, starting with the most recent.)
 
Wolfstronaut




Lieutenant Commander Steve Dekker was the Navy’s best pilot. With over 20,000 combat missions, years of test flying, a chiseled jaw that could cut steel, and a blindingly handsome smile, he could effortlessly land any aircraft or any lady. When NASA called upon him to helm America’s next mission to the moon, he heroically rose to the challenge. The Saturn 17 was the most advanced piece of flying machinery man had ever created, the perfect craft for the world’s best pilot. But all Steve's years of flying did not prepare him for the terrible secret of his Chief Scientist…. Luc Crackovich, the world’s most renowned quantum physicist, virtually oozed science. His selection as the head of their quest for knowledge was a given. But Luc had a secret; a dark secret that revealed itself only when the moon was full. Hours after landing the Saturn 17 in a crater on the light side of the moon, Steve and his stalwart crew learn that getting to the moon is the easy part; for Luc cannot control his transformation into a massive "Wolf-man". And as the creature stalks his former companions, tearing them apart one by one, the survivors learn the horrifying truth... it's always a full moon...on the moon.

 

Unicorn Fall



Download Sample

The 12th book in the Pillars of Gnarr deca-ology, “Unicorn Fall” brings Nectar the Barbarian full circle to his humble beginnings in northern lands among the Great North by Northwestern Tribes where he must confront the mysteries of the falling unicorns and the ominous destruction they herald whilst simultaneously learning to love again. The fate of Tardblivia hangs in the balance.

“In Unicorn Fall, McSterlingthong has once again proven that his seventeen separate Nebulous Awards were no fluke. These characters leap off the page!” – Jonas Crom, Science Fiction magazine

"I was contractually obliged to read this book" - National Book Review

Fäërÿhüntër 880 BD

Taken as an infant and raised by the Darkwood Pixies, Rengilda knows nothing of the outside world, her troubled past or her questionable parentage. One day, her carefree existence of sniffing flowers, smoking joy-leaves and participating in the traditional Dance of the Flittering Toadstools is shattered, when she stumbles upon a traveling circus that unveils the horrifying truth; she was taken by the pixies from the Stirgood Sprites during the Great Fey-tastrophy twenty years earlier. As decades of loathing and hatred burst forth, Rengilda becomes a soul possessed, as a burning desire to crush the peaceful Fey blasts outward from the core of her being and she realizes she cannot, will not, MUST not stop until every last pixie is dashed to pieces with her vengeance!

"An amazing yarn. It's only a matter of time before this epic shows up on the Sci-fi Channel!" - The Reviewinator, AintIKewlNewz.com

"Throw all of your other fantasy series into the fire, for McSterlingthong's epics will replace them all! " - Augustine Tribble, The Merlin Gazette

 

 

Darkness: The Fall of Butterwick



The Gleaming Towers and hearty stone parapets of Butterwick were thought to be the most impregnable in all of Tardblivia…. but when Nectar arrives in the boundary areas he finds only a smoking ruin. Now he and his stalwart companions must unravel the mystery of what happened and why the local peasants insist that they saw the Countess Butterwick hurl herself from the once high walls, her dress aflame. They fear that they will all suffer the same fate unless Nectar can help them! "A veritable vivisection of the English language." - Franklin Crossbridge, Fantasy Magazine

"McSterlingthong stands with the fantasy elite that can fill pages with words." - The NewYolker

 

Sins of the Hedgehog

Nectar and his stalwart companions travel to Fluvia, where an ominous disquiet looms over the sleepy hamlet. While the abbot of the local church urges his flock to be kind to all creatures, including Nectar, the townspeople suffer terribly from an unseen, nibbling foe with a terrible secret.

Only by flexing his way through the Fluvian catacombs and recovering the Lost Sceptre of St. Pernicious Aloicius Harmonicus can Nectar hope to redeem the town and save its folk from the dark, prickly curse that has befallen it. 

"McSterlingthong lulls you into a sense of ease with his style. I fell asleep five times!" - Mary Diagordo, Publishers Weakly

"A triumph of word usage. Never have so many letters been put together in so many ways." - Anonymous

The Pike of Mediocrity



Nectar travels to the mysterious outer reaches of Tardblivia where he stumbles upon the village of Levitria. After a night of extreme overindulgence in the local brew, he awakens to find himself cursed with the Pike of Mediocrity. This weapon, of questionable power, had burdened the townsfolk for decades. Now, saddled with this supremely average weapon, Nectar must gather his courage and face the twin sorcerers Viagros the Stout and Cialos the Firm, or his true love and delicate flower, the barbarian queen Ambrosia, will be trapped in their evil tower forever….

"McSterlingthong's allegory for the human condition grabs hold of deep personal issues and works them in such a way that makes us scream for it to stop, and upon the climax leaves us drained." - Biff Stately, Maxxum Magazine

"I have never read another book with so many new words and names. Flepitex (the traditional Levitrian greeting), Glourgsty (a rare Levitrian ale) and Q'znkipuper (a Levitrian curse shouted at barbarians suffering from alcohol poisoning). That's just in the first paragraph. The dictionary must be shuddering in fear of McSterlingthong's 'word-craftiness'!" - Fawn Delight, The New Green Fantasy Journal

 

The Screaming Codpiece

Picture
Coming
Soon
Trapped in the city of Bongostria by a vast army of darkness, Nectar must unite the Meekfolk by brandishing the incredible auditory power of the Screaming Codpiece. Outnumbered a thousand to one, Nectar must come to grips with the terrifying truth of the weapon in order to weild its legendary strength and bring sonic doom to all who stand in his way!

"Another epic masterpiece! McSterlingthong is so subtle in his plotting that nothing happens for 900 pages. Bravo!" - Janet Broomfield, Reader's Digestive

 
Armageddon's Pastry

Billy Pudegfestski was different. While the other Mennonite boys huddled in bible-study, he spent hours in his school’s chem-lab, searching for what he knew not. A freak discovery leads to a startling revelation, but when he returns to his family’s tartlet and muffin factory to show his father, the one man whose approval he craves, something goes terribly wrong. A chance epileptic seizure brought on by his over excitement causes Billy to drop a large quantity of his discovery, a highly radioactive isotope, into the dough-kneading vat. When Billy regains consciousness, he learns too late that several truckloads of the now radioactive pastries have gone out of the factory. Now, with the fate of rural Ohio, and indeed the lands beyond, hanging in the balance he must seek aid from his stern and quick-to-anger father. Together they must put aside their differences and travel by ox-cart far and wide in search of the fabled ”Dekrapoliser”, a device capable of blasting the destructive pastries with gamma radiation before all life on planet earth is systematically wiped out by massive radioactive fallout.

"With his sixth book in three months, McSterlingthong proves once again that more is always better." - Guy Putin, Punxsutawney Press
The Vomitarium

Agnes Churchill was a nobody. Cursed by her marriage to the director of the local sanitarium, an abusive man, forced to cater to his every whim as he worked her to near exhaustion each day, and tasked with cleaning the dreaded, vomitarium, she begins to lose hope… until she meets Him. Lance Squirereeves, a devastatingly handsome inmate had been declared insane by his evil family to cheat him of an inheritance. He too had lost hope until one chance encounter during a rough bout of dysentery brings them together. Their instant love bolsters their trapped spirits as they find a way to let their souls fly free….
 
"McSterlingthong truly puts the Vomit in Vomitorium!" - Twice Nightly, the Tuesday Afternoon Post
Contact Webmaster Writing Credits