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Dear R.L.:

I was so excited to read The Screaming Codpiece that I pre-ordered it. When it arrived, I was shocked to see that the cover depicts flames blasting from a man's prominent crotch. The engorged realism of the artwork so disturbed my little sister that she hasn't spoken to me for three weeks. The story itself says nothing about flaming crotches. Why the discrepancy? (P.S. I adored the book--of course!)

- Aroused Curiosity


When the artist, editor and I convened at Burger King to discuss the cover art, I was adamant that the codpiece be the central detail, and I quoted at length many of the passages that described its powers: the Keen of Incontinence, the Wail of Fail, and the Ululation of Procrastination. Sadly, two factors evidently forestalled the conveyance of my message. For one, Julio the artist does not grasp English well, nor, frankly, does my editor despite it being her first language, and the masterpiece of words that I painted for them was akin to leading a blind man through the Louvre. For another, the manager of the Burger King asked us to leave before I finished because apparently my pipe smoke irritated the less cultured patrons around us. To mitigate his embarrassment, I of course left him with an autographed photograph of myself.

- R.L.

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